One day, I'm Optimistic!

I miss getting flowers and cards out of the blue, I miss sharing my day with someone who actually cares to know what's going on with me. It's been about four months or so since the official break up of my ex and I. I'm proud of myself that I haven't gone back or break down.. Well I mean there was one time when I cried, but that was just once, and that was because I just missed what him and I had. Anyways, now that I've had some time alone with no interruptions, I want to start dating, not for fun like what I've been doing, but "serious" courting. I'm not saying that I want a relationship RIGHT NOW but I want someone that's on the same page as I am. More than just the physical stuff, I want to know a person's mind, body, and spirit. Haha, corny but I really do.. Love over sex anyday. I'll feel like I have a purpose again. It gets boring being other people's options, hell no I want to be with someone that wants me to be his one and only. I know I have to be patience, and truly choose people carefully, it's hard, I'm such a relationship type of girl you know? I like to be in love, I like having that one person to do things with. Man I'm a sap, I guess I am a hopeless romantic and I'm a horrible date, too picky. Lots of different guys out there, that just DON'T fit the description. As much as I want a relationship, I know I have to be careful and wise on who I allow in my life, I'm not desperate. I need someone who has the same values as I do. Someone who actually asks me questions about myself too know what I'm all about. Someone who'll go out of his ways to figure me out, not just some kook who only wants me for one night. Gahhhhh! One day I'll have someone kind, caring, and sweet that loves me. Oneee day!

To the man I once loved

         To the man I once loved, you were everything to me, you were my first love, my best friend, the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Everything about you was perfect to me, including the imperfections that came with it, maybe that was the blindness people talk about when it comes to love. Throughout our crazy memories and the ups and downs we went through, I knew at the end of the day I wouldn't trade you for the world. You are compassionate, kind, and affectionate. You comforted me on my bad days, and strengthen me when i was weak. My love for you was unbreakable, I loved you so much. So much to where I would put myself in danger to keep you safe. I know at times I had trouble showing it, and many times my pride got in the way but when I do show it, I can see the joy in your hazel eyes. You loved me too, I know. You loved me so much you would have given your life for me, I've seen. Our love was so intense, so much burning passion and emotion filled our hearts. Nothing or no one could break us apart, we were one.. 

Anger, Disappointment, Worry: Waste of Emotions

Lately i've been feeling so angry, so underestimated, and disrespected.

So lost, like as if i've lost my path in life

I feel like  baby deer who's just lost it's momma deer..

No sense of directions..

That's why i've been so angry at the world, at myself, and the people around me..

I mean don't get me wrong, there's a reason why i get mad at people, but anyway

Everytime when there's an issue,  can't help but to switch my light switch on to "Controlling Beetttcch!", when things don't go as i planned I turned to Medusa from the hood

I'm disappointed and mad, mad at the people, mad at the dog, mad at the grass, mad at everything

when really it's not really their fault. I mean it is their fault than its not.

No one can have there way all the time

But see, with that i don't get the concept

I'm such a control freak that when things aren't going well, i stress the hell out.

Sometimes, most times i have to continually remind myself that

life gives you obstacles, that won't allow you to too see the outcome.

No matter how bad you wanna see it, you just have to be patience

and let the MAN upstairs take control...

anger, disappointments, worries, they're all such a waste of emotions.

I can tell you first hand, everytime i'm angry i blow the hell out, way out of proportion

I cuss, I yell, I accuse, and I feel as if I out to destroy the world

Once I'm done with anger, i just feel like shit, I feel so heartless and unkind..

Ugh, life, why give us such emotion such as these? Makes things so much harder.

Especially if your a woman, the mood swings don't help.. nor the pms's.

#Wordd! Story of my lifee!