One day, I'm Optimistic!

I miss getting flowers and cards out of the blue, I miss sharing my day with someone who actually cares to know what's going on with me. It's been about four months or so since the official break up of my ex and I. I'm proud of myself that I haven't gone back or break down.. Well I mean there was one time when I cried, but that was just once, and that was because I just missed what him and I had. Anyways, now that I've had some time alone with no interruptions, I want to start dating, not for fun like what I've been doing, but "serious" courting. I'm not saying that I want a relationship RIGHT NOW but I want someone that's on the same page as I am. More than just the physical stuff, I want to know a person's mind, body, and spirit. Haha, corny but I really do.. Love over sex anyday. I'll feel like I have a purpose again. It gets boring being other people's options, hell no I want to be with someone that wants me to be his one and only. I know I have to be patience, and truly choose people carefully, it's hard, I'm such a relationship type of girl you know? I like to be in love, I like having that one person to do things with. Man I'm a sap, I guess I am a hopeless romantic and I'm a horrible date, too picky. Lots of different guys out there, that just DON'T fit the description. As much as I want a relationship, I know I have to be careful and wise on who I allow in my life, I'm not desperate. I need someone who has the same values as I do. Someone who actually asks me questions about myself too know what I'm all about. Someone who'll go out of his ways to figure me out, not just some kook who only wants me for one night. Gahhhhh! One day I'll have someone kind, caring, and sweet that loves me. Oneee day!

To the man I once loved

         To the man I once loved, you were everything to me, you were my first love, my best friend, the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Everything about you was perfect to me, including the imperfections that came with it, maybe that was the blindness people talk about when it comes to love. Throughout our crazy memories and the ups and downs we went through, I knew at the end of the day I wouldn't trade you for the world. You are compassionate, kind, and affectionate. You comforted me on my bad days, and strengthen me when i was weak. My love for you was unbreakable, I loved you so much. So much to where I would put myself in danger to keep you safe. I know at times I had trouble showing it, and many times my pride got in the way but when I do show it, I can see the joy in your hazel eyes. You loved me too, I know. You loved me so much you would have given your life for me, I've seen. Our love was so intense, so much burning passion and emotion filled our hearts. Nothing or no one could break us apart, we were one.. 

Killing Me Softly, love.

Stings the heart, tires the soul, and weakens the mind.

The hardest part of love is sometimes not being able to show it over pride

or being too afraid to show it because of past experiences, 

or you just don't know how the other person feels, your afraid they'll end up pushing you away. Unrequited love.

Being with someone for a long time cause people to be attached and so deeply involve, most times confused whether the feeling is there or it's just comfortability

You tend to ask yourself, is this love? or just lust?

Your so comfortable being with one another you start to think that it's love

But what if love and comfortability (not a word) is two completely different things

You tend to question yourself and the other person day after day

How can you test something invisible but yet feels so strong?

I guess that's where conflicts, trials and tribulations come to play.

If two people can go through something so difficult together

Or stay together after the storm, isn't that love?

I mean what else would it be? Why be together after all that happened, why put yourself in a situation where you continue to abuse your heart for somebody else?

If one chooses to leave than their love just wasn't strong enough.

Love is unconditional, a least the real type of love

Now a days 

relationships, marriages, just don't last

the rate of divorce is 1 out of every two couples in America

People give up the first sign of danger.

Love, is working things out, no matter how hard the circumstance is

Love, is fighting constantly, but being able to know it'll pass 

Love, is able to forgive the unforgiving

Love is pure, patient, and forgiving

in the words of Drake, "We live in a generation of, not being IN LOVE"

Anger, Disappointment, Worry: Waste of Emotions

Lately i've been feeling so angry, so underestimated, and disrespected.

So lost, like as if i've lost my path in life

I feel like  baby deer who's just lost it's momma deer..

No sense of directions..

That's why i've been so angry at the world, at myself, and the people around me..

I mean don't get me wrong, there's a reason why i get mad at people, but anyway

Everytime when there's an issue,  can't help but to switch my light switch on to "Controlling Beetttcch!", when things don't go as i planned I turned to Medusa from the hood

I'm disappointed and mad, mad at the people, mad at the dog, mad at the grass, mad at everything

when really it's not really their fault. I mean it is their fault than its not.

No one can have there way all the time

But see, with that i don't get the concept

I'm such a control freak that when things aren't going well, i stress the hell out.

Sometimes, most times i have to continually remind myself that

life gives you obstacles, that won't allow you to too see the outcome.

No matter how bad you wanna see it, you just have to be patience

and let the MAN upstairs take control...

anger, disappointments, worries, they're all such a waste of emotions.

I can tell you first hand, everytime i'm angry i blow the hell out, way out of proportion

I cuss, I yell, I accuse, and I feel as if I out to destroy the world

Once I'm done with anger, i just feel like shit, I feel so heartless and unkind..

Ugh, life, why give us such emotion such as these? Makes things so much harder.

Especially if your a woman, the mood swings don't help.. nor the pms's.

#Wordd! Story of my lifee!

Big Bear Pictures

I went to Big Bear this weekend and it was so nice to getaway from the city and enjoy nature..

My Type of Man ? (Fasten Up Your Seat belt)

My "PERFECT" MAN.

(Dream Man)

Characteristic wise; Someone like Jesus our Savior. (Humble, Selfless, Godly, Pure, Not Easily Tempted, Someone who's not so focus on the outside but the inside, ETC) Good Job, Family Oriented, Generous, Stable, Normal,  NOT VIOLENT, Does not have a violent history, funny, Intellectual, TOUGH SKINNED!

Perfect Exmple: Jesus, Gandhi, Tim Teebow, Dr. Drew

Plays The Guitar or Piano

Looks wise; Blue Eyes, Green, and Hazel Eyes one of the three! FIT masculine man. I don't like guys who are short and BULKY >__<. Tall, height is a must! Good teeth, straight! Good nose! Clean hands and feet! Natural manly eyebrows, no waxes, threading none of that! a manly man! Athletic, NOT CONCEITED.

Never promiscuous.

Perfect Example: Channing Tatum, Ryan Reynalds, Ryan Gosling

MY "REALISTIC" MAN.

(All that i ask for.)

Honest, Faithful, Kind Hearted, Romantic, Family Oriented, and Spontaneous. Hard working is a plus.

Fit, Smells Good, Someone who never puts hand on a woman.

Has a relationship with God.

Bobba-licious

My beautiful puppy, i miss my Bobba, sleeping and waking up next to him truly make my heart skip a beat.

Ever Been So Deeply in Love?

I'm not sure if I ever have, i mean I'm guilty of saying it without actually truly meaning it. 

I guess that's all of us right? We say things we don't mean.

In a way we try to tell ourselves something over and over again thinking that we might actually believe it or feel it. But what happens if no matter what we do, we just don't "love" the other person.

Love is such a deep subject and has so many interpretations.

The one that makes sense to me most is the definition from the bible.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." -1 Corinthians 13;4-7

As mess up as I am, i truly believe Love is perfect.

And everyone, including the heartless ones like me deserve to feel it.

Yeah we may not deserve it, but it'd be nice. 

We as people search for one thing, to love and be love.